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I received these additional instructions recently in an e-mail.  Like all of the communication that comes down the pike from our central government, this extra set of policies promises to make testing go more smoothly than ever and to ensure the best possible scores.

1.  Should a severe weather situation occur during testing, please remain calm. To display any kind of anxiety would be a testing irregularity and must be reported.

2.  Please do not look out the window to watch for approaching tornadoes. You must monitor the students at all times. To do otherwise would be a testing irregularity and must be reported.

3.  Should students notice an approaching tornado and begin to cry, please make every effort to protect their testing materials from the flow of tears and sinus drainage.
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Recently, one of our songs came under attack.  In the closing verse of “Cities, States, Countries and Continents,” we wrap up our size/scale relationship with these words:

           

A continent is the biggest place that

You or me can ever be from

A continent’s the biggest piece of land

It’s the place that countries call home

 

The teacher that attacked us wrote:

 

“I just wanted to let you know that the downloadable song Cities States Countries and Continents has the word ‘ass’ in the lyrics.  I as a teacher do not feel comfortable sharing this with my students for obvious reasons.  Please let me know where I can download the lyrics to the songs before downloading the music.”

 

It took us a little while to figure out what she was talking about since the word “ass” does not appear in this or any other song we have written, but we finally figured out that she had misunderstood the word “biggest” and had (in her mind) assumed that we had purposely written some kind of profane adjectival description. 

 

Here is the actual verse:

 http://www.totally3rdgrade.com/Audio/Cities_Blog_Example.mp3

 

 

Admittedly, the superlative suffix “-est” does sound a little like “ass,” but why would anyone assume after listening to the eleven preceding verses that we would go with “big, bigger, big ass” as a way to correlate relative size?  Get a grip.

 

 

Like many educational music artists, we not only post all of our lyrics, we promote them and recommend downloading them or at least viewing them while our music is playing.  It absolutely increases efficacy. 

 

 

Has the current overburdened and declining state of education left teachers so fearful that they now feel like they have to protect themselves from imaginary threats?  

 

Re-read that last statement.  Slowly.  Think about it.

 

 

Consider this well-known adage penned by Edward Bulwer-Lytton in 1839: 

 

 

“True, This! —
Beneath the rule of men entirely great,
The pen is mightier than the sword.” 

 

 

Is that now off limits because some idiot thinks Bulwer-Lytton is claiming a part of the male anatomy to be superior to a sword?   It’s ridiculous.  I can’t imagine how foul education will become if teachers reach a point where they no longer use vocabulary that could possibly be mispronounced, misinterpreted or somehow mangled in ways not yet known.  Seriously, it’s time to get a grip. 

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My wife left the house at 6:00 am today to conduct a fieldtrip to the Omaha Zoo. 

Two chartered busses, 17 adults, nearly 60 third graders and 4 coolers loaded with bottled water and snacks are now en route for an exciting 15 hour day.

And so it goes.

Monday was a full school day with an awards banquet in the evening. Arrival at home: nearly 9:00 pm.

Tuesday was another full school day with a parent meeting at days’ end.  Arrival at home: 7:30 pm.

Thursday night has some other kind of function I’ve lost track of and Saturday promises a 6-7 hour identification card event.

Thank God she got into teaching so that she’d only have to work from 8:30 am- 3:30 pm like her paycheck indicates.

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